Wednesday, August 10, 2005

When history bites you on the arse...

I had a look at who's been poking around The Pad this morning and the following referral link appeared:

http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=stigma%20of%20pedophile&first=21&FORM=PERE2

Curious about how someone got to The Pad from there, I did my own search and it came back with one of the earlier blog entries I did shortly after finding out about the filth's blog - the catalyst for my returning to regular bloggery.

Whoever clicked on that would have been given one of my typical rants on the subject so if they're on my side, I hope they went away moderately impressed. If they're on the other side, I hope they realise there's yet another vigilante out there from whom they can expect no quarter. Stigmatise the fuckers to the max, I don't give a shit about them and I sincerely hope they all die today.

It's a catch 22 situation though. I also know from experience that someone who needs help won't approach anyone who appears to be on some sort of crusade or warpath. People in that frame of mind are frightening.

What I am pleased to report is due to activities elsewhere in the e-bog, my name is being passed around as someone who gives really good advice and people I don't know are asking for my help.

I'll admit I like doing what I can, which is very limited anyway, but at the same time I'm acutely aware of the potential for backlash. It's for that reason I keep reiterating - almost insisting - that nothing I say to anyone should be kept private, secret or in any other way regarded as off limits to others. I won't spread what's said to me, but I'll take responsibility for everything I say in return.

All this forthrightness - I hate to say it, is for my protection against false accusation. People will turn to friends who'll give them an honest answer before they'll turn to an agency that won't. That's my position anyway. And I've been through the system before - it stinks. It's a last resort and all the good intentions in the world won't make up for that one missing element - honesty.

I also never tell anyone to keep what I say private for the very practical reason, if something I say doesn't quite make sense or makes you feel uncomfortable, then for goodness' sake run it by someone else! I don't know everything and I'm bound to get it wrong some of the time, but I'll own up to that when it comes back.

The point is, as I put myself out there, I'm being honest with people and I can see that's what comes across and if putting a Band-Aid on a cut knee (as it were) is all that's needed, then so be it. I've been saying to the doomsayers for nearly 20 years, "If you don't like what I'm doing, then bloody well do it yourself." I've had that very rare privilege of being on the receiving end of some perfect advice. Just a tiny bit of conversation and an email and it has made an impression that stays with me today.

What I found out is when someone can tell you why you're thinking a certain way, you can then begin to figure out how to deal with it. Agencies get their info from books and tutors who are relying on studies which are inherently flawed and always will be. The woman who told me what's what realised what I've always known and that is there's no substitute for one's own experience especially when dealing with others. And that comes back to honesty. It shows. Moreover it shows in abundance when it's missing and that is why I discount agencies as adequate resources in and of themselves. The trouble is, there just aren't enough "friends" to whom people in need can turn.

Leading back to that paradoxical aspect of lending a helping hand being a form of therapy for those doing the lending, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I does depend on the circumstances in which the helping hand is offered and the motives behind it. At what point does it become usage of the person looking for help? My answer to that is it becomes unhealthy when the focus of the relationship between provider and recipient keeps returning to the reasons for which the recipient put their hand up in the first place. I dislike even focussing on anything to do with the initial problem and that includes solutions. I would rather look to day to day practicalities and deal with issues as they arise. It takes the focus off the problem preventing it taking on unmanageable proportions and forming the basis for interaction. You don't get that with an agency, you get that from friends, especially those who are prepared to share the journey once you've got over the hurdle which brought you together in the first place.

I realised I'm not actually needed after a while.

Far from being disappointing, it's the outcome for which I strive. I draw away fast when it gets to the needing stage. I dislike feeling needed. In fact I almost fear it. I enjoy being wanted. Agencies are needed, they are not wanted. I spurn dishonesty and insincerity in dealings with people, which is how I came to despise that dippy trollop from Vegas - for those who know Dopey - and why I dislike agencies.

When I see "yours sincerely" at the bottom of a letter I've received from someone trying to sell me something, I bin it immediately because the one thing the author is not is "sincere". The message I've been leaving at the bottom of my missives in the circles in which I've been moving is "Please keep us up to date." I've been leaving that because I genuinely want to know how the person fares after reading my replies to their questions. So far, the responses have been overwhelmingly positive. I also wouldn't dare doing what I've been doing alone. There are others around whom I trust and support and from I have been honoured to receive trust and support. No way could I do it alone, no matter how positive the feedback is.

Now, from where did all this come?

Someone searched for "stigma of pedophiles" on msn's search engine and this blog came back on the returns. I've made a hobby of getting sites shut down (and more). I'm in the thick of things, but the fact remains, I dislike the association between me and filth. So much so I've spelled out my reaction to justify what I do - because of that loose association made by a search engine return. I'll own up to being a bit pissed off that I even felt a need to justify myself (probably because of the anonymity provided by the web - who the hell is this ChatRat person anyway?) when there are so-called do-gooders trying to tell the world that reformed filth don't need to justify themselves, they've paid their debt to society, and the stigma attached to them is doing more damage than anything else - driving them underground away from the help that could prevent them reoffending.

Blah blah frickety blah - heard it all before.

Now take the victims into account and ask them what they'd like done to the filth. I bet you London to a brick you get a different reaction. String the fuckers up and be done with it. The cost of keeping them alive isn't worth the returns they provide and a noose is reusable.

My stuff speaks for itself. The trouble is, not enough people see it and fewer take the time to see it for what it is. Don't keep my stuff secret, I don't like being kept in the dark where nobody can see what I'm doing.

click - and a whole new collection for the search engines. *sigh*

(Time to compose this entry: 105 mins)

3 comments:

Eff said...

You mean you are not always right?! Balderdash and poppycock! Oh, wait, you did forget a 't' somewhere. Hmm, nice post.

I do feel sorry for Doe, though, she seems to be criticised every other week. Well, I suppose there is no need to make it my concern. Or maybe I should.

I think the best way to show sincerity is pretty much what you said. Actually show an interest, not obsession (no need to comment on everything someone says), but give people the feedback their comments supposedly deserve. I say supposedly because that is what is implied when someone compliments the author of a comment, that his comments are respected and interesting. There is a limit to how much is reasonable to expect from someone, but I think it is best to not hand out compliments like they are philanthropic checks where one does not intend to follow up on the outcome of his charity.

You might have noticed that I rarely had out compliments. Is this because I do not respect people? No, I have personal circumstances to deal with. My form of interest and respect comes in my trying to show it by paying some attention to people. Now I do not dislike someone if I only respond to a few of their comments, I might not always find their comments interesting, but I still do not hate them. There are few subjects I even feel comfortable commenting on.

I show respect to you, or an attempt at it, by giving you comments. Do I do it the best way possible, and in the places you prefer? I do not know, but I am sure you know that I try and make some effort at giving well thought out responses. You have paid me the best example of sincerity in you positive comment about my blog by giving me some comments as well. Though you can never compare to the spam comment I recieved earlier. That was a true honor. My first spam comment! I highly appreciate the sincerity you have shown.

Rat said...

Dopey is about as sincere as a rattlesnake. The only thing to know is that if you don't treat it with a great deal of caution, its gob will take the very breath from your lungs.

I loathe that woman with a passion. She's the most manipulative sow I have ever encountered.

Your last sentence pretty well encapsulates the essence of commenting. If it's not sincere, it's not only worthless, but it's also not welcome.

The thing about the internet is we have those cutesy little acronyms we can use to convey a visual response - that's when there are no emotes around. Things like lol or wtf - responses like that can often make a better impression than "Oh, I used to use cochineal extract when I made my....." zzzzzzzzz.... fuck off.

There's no requirement to respond to anything if you don't feel like it and how you respond to stuff you see is entirely up to you, but the key, as you say, is sincerity.

Morgue said...

fuckin' A