Sunday, August 21, 2005

I need seriously to disappear down a burrow somewhere and get on with some serious writing.

So much to do, so little time.

Trouble is, the thought of abandoning my current motivation is actually fairly frightening. I can feel myself slipping into my enthusiastic early coaching days and that's not a prospect I find particularly appealing. It makes me predictable and boring and that's why I should really extricate myself from this current situation.

The problem is twofold.

Firstly, I don't want to go. Those kids are outstanding - just like the kids I used to coach.

Secondly, they are a huge motivation for me to write. If I drag myself out of this predicament and get on with the stuff I want to do, those motivation levels will plummet. See, the kids provide feedback on a regular basis. Projects don't.

I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea, it would seem.

Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying it all, I'm just not getting anything done. And I've been in an absurdly good mood for most of the past month which is not altogether conducive to the project I have in mind to complete.

Two weeks ago, I fired off a missile at some completely innocent party and they finally responded to it yesterday. When I sent the original, I was mightily hot under the collar. I responded to their answer - and apologised for my original outburst. I am only able to reconcile myself to that because I used subtle sarcasm in the email as my reason for the unexpected spray. It was a good email by my standards, which are fairly high. It should make the recipient feel at once contrite and confronted without having given them a reason to feel confronted. (After all, I was apologising and explaining myself.)

If anyone were to send me such an email, I would probably reply telling them something like "Your email is important to me and I shall give it full consideration in order to provide the level of response appropriate to its merit. Thank you." Then never respond again thus fulfilling my promise.

That's the sort of thing a bastard of my calibre would do automatically. Having been in an exceptionally good mood for as long as I have been, that level of sarcasm has been hard to summon.

Ah well, can't have it both ways I suppose.

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