6 hours later, I went to bed.

If this keeps up I'm going to have to ditch the total bastard image.

Doc Ell told me something a couple of weeks ago which stopped me in my tracks and I've been giving it a bit of thought. Why do I do the things I do? Frankly, because I enjoy it. Why I enjoy it is what seems to be at issue here. He's a bright cookie, the Doc, but it's the time he's willing to spend with others for which I really respect him.

I do it because knowing I can make someone else feel a little bit better also makes me feel good. To me it's just natural human behaviour, community spirit without the draining effects of altruism. I get on the net to interact. If that interaction means more to some than the usual banal chit-chat, then so be it. I feel I've achieved something, even though the only benefit I get out of it, my recompense as it were, is just to see the person with whom I've interacted has come away from it with something more than just a few wasted minutes. It's the mutual growth and the learning that drives me. People underestimate the intrinsic value of learning. Our instinct to learn is only equalled by our instinct to survive. We crave it. It's better than sex and I'm not saying that to be funny, I'm saying it because it's true. It's also better than food. Even infants will put off eating if they're fully engaged in some intellectual pursuit.

Do I learn from what I do? What I do certainly makes me think. If I'm offering something to someone, it has to be right and it has to be reasonable. It has to be real and putting all that into words is not easy. The wrong word can ruin the entire sentiment of the message and that makes me think very very carefully about what I'm saying. I do it because I enjoy it. If someone else gets something out of it, that's a bonus. I want those bonuses so that's why I do what I do with great care.

Someone left a message to say I was wise. That also struck me. I hadn't considered myself wise since my teen years and that's nearly half my lifetime ago. Now I just consider myself as having learned from experience. If that defines wise then so be it. I suppose someone who doesn't learn from experience is a fool, but consider this:

Some people don't take kindly to what I do. Even though I put my whole heart and soul into it, I stand to be attacked and people don't generally hold back on the internet. If they don't agree with what you're doing or suspect your motives, they give you merry hell. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. How wise is it to repeatedly set myself up for that? And I do. When I do what I do, it's really me people are seeing. What I do, I do with love and I've no doubt that comes through. (It sure as shit shows when I'm tearing strips off some lying scrote or ignorant toerag.)

Of course some people don't come to the internet for that and having it arrive by the bucketload can be the last thing they want. I know it's not something I particularly enjoy getting lumped with. I neither need it nor want it. Sometimes I manage to get the approach right - humour is often the best way - and I think I'm astute enough to get it right most of the time. I sure get to hear about it if I'm not but that's ok.

Since I resumed this blog on pretty much a daily basis, I have been blessed to meet nearly 30 people I would be proud to call friends. Which is not to say those I considered friends before are no longer, of course they are. They're just moving in different circles from the ones in which I am presently moving.

Doc Ell also gave me another pertinent bit of advice which today I finally got around to taking. It took me longer than I imagined it would to come up with a solution, but I think the result is ok. I'll run it by the Doc at some stage this weekend or maybe early next week.

I haven't been as contented as I am at present in a long time. That is due in large part to Doc Ell and Liz whom I don't think quite realises how much I treasure her friendship and Doc Ell whose comings and goings restored the balance after I became so unbalanced upon seeing that infamous blog which shall still remain nameless here. (Feelings of vengefulness are a fine thing if taken in moderation.)

Anyway, that's my bit of bloggery for now. It's early afternoon here in Melbourne, this city I love so much. It's the middle of winter and again, the sky is mostly blue with fluffy white clouds skipping briskly by in the fresh south westerly breeze. The sun is streaming through the windows, my headphones are on, my coffee cup is about to be replenished, the dog will sleep for another 45 minutes and all is unbelievably well in my world right now.