I am experiencing a vague sensation of emptiness.

I sponsor some kid somewhere in the world through Oxfam.

When I filled out the forms, I specifically requested to sponsor a boy from Cambodia. There were about a dozen Cambodian refugees working in a factory in which I had an office job and they are among the most beautiful and gentle people I've ever met. I picked a boy because a sponsored boy will eventually rescue a girl from poverty whereas sponsoring a girl could mean she loses so much when she eventually marries. (See, I thought this through before signing on.)

I wanted to see if anyone anywhere in the world had set up any websites or to find any news items containing any evidence of misappropriation of funds or wastage, but 12 pages into a google search revealed nothing, so I feel better about that.

What I dislike is the fact I have no idea where the kid is I sponsor or whether any of my stipulations have been met.

I don't feel like corresponding with the kid, I just want to know where he or she is and how they get on.

From what I gather, my money is probably being used in Africa as part of consolidated funds to build communities. That's all well and good, but that's not where I wanted my money to go. I picked Cambodia because they're not at war. They're not under threat from an evil regime - as far as I'm aware, but most of all, I won't spend years sponsoring a kid only to have a corrupt regime come in and destroy everything my money is being used to build. See Zimbabwe for details.

I want to know how my kid gets on but since I started my sponsorship, I haven't heard dick from anyone.

I might consider stopping my sponsorship with Oxfam and switch to World Vision but if I do that, I'm going to let some kid down in some part of the world. Who knows how long he or she has been waiting for a sponsor, they get one and everything goes along swimmingly well for a stabilisingly long period of time, then suddenly the support is withdrawn - Why?

Two aspects of the World Vision site that piss me off are they don't have Cambodia as an option and if you check this out...

http://www.worldvision.com.au/childsponsorship/search/
child_search.asp?orderby=longest

Order by??? ORDER BY???

Who's the sick son of a bitch who thought that up?

These are children, not hamburgers. You don't order a child for crying out loud, you sponsor one or two or however many you can afford. They're not commodities to be ordered, bought and paid for. The more I think of this crass description, the more it pisses me off.

Although I'm left with misgivings about my personal wishes for sponsorship probably not being respected, I think I'll console myself with the belief that someone somewhere is grateful for my sponsorship dollars, even if I'll never know where or whom. At least I won't have to correspond.

*sigh*