Tonight I needed my car to work because I needed to go out and be alone in the dark without having to worry that anyone would interrupt my thoughts.

You all know about my brother - my little brother who died in January of 2000. I've seen the diary he kept - which I didn't even know existed until after he died and though Chris and I fought more than we laughed, he was never in any doubt about how much I adored him. I insisted on and got at least 5 hugs every day from him and even when we fought he knew it was about him taking care not to put himself in harm's way and me carrying on like an old boot all the time. Well, he's not reserved about his feelings for me in his diary and that's why something I saw tonight has made me want to go out and be alone.

I was trying to find a friend of mine and in the process, I happened upon a memorial website for someone with the same name and I stopped to look at it. What tore me up was seeing messages written by the little brother of a teenager who died in a car accident. It's a beautiful site but I'm not giving you links because the name of the teenager is familiar to everyone and that's one sleeper best left well alone.

Besides which, it's the messages left by his little brother which bunged me up a right terry anyway.