For fear it would otherwise go unsaid, I must say it now:

I love those people on the other side of the net. I do. They're all just brilliant and to me they're like an oasis in the middle of a sea of blah.

Lea rang me this afternoon to discuss what I was not able to discuss in Messenger for various reasons and Ms Wod wanted to know why I hadn't let her in on what I've been doing for the last two months. The reason is because I don't want to mix my MSN side of things - which is often fairly fruity and where I have an army of people I've pissed off - with this other side.

It's a place where I can just enjoy what's going on around me without having any idiots start more of the same shit which is all over MSN. And I don't want that because what's on the other side is not a group thing. It's a sharing of people's private thoughts and day to day travails and they're all interlinked. If someone starts shit on my bit of the plot, everyone who has linked to me can see it and I don't want their private meanderings littered with crud. (I love them, that's why.)

It's different in a group because it's a free-for-all. The managers can clean it up if everyone objects to something. But these people take particular care that what's linked on their spaces is what they want on their spaces and that includes those who have linked to me. If I didn't care about them and their space, I'd have announced it to the whole world, but I care about them a great deal, therefore I don't even want to chance any sort of baggage of any variety good or bad leaking over from MSN.

An analogy would be that from this blog, I link to Eff's Rambles. Eff I know from MSN. But imagine if one link from here could give you access not only to Eff's Rambles but however many other blogs I happened to have up there, upon all of which anyone with whom I have differences could post whatever they wanted to post and which not only Eff, but everyone else on the list could then see. That's why it's kept quiet and that's why I'm not telling anyone else where the other side is.

They're just too vital to me to have someone come and mess with their stuff because of a grudge against me. Lea says I'm wrong and that if anyone messed with what I have over there, there would be an army of supporters right behind me to back me up. The thing is, by the time they got into gear, the damage would already have been done. I don't want the spaces of the people on the other side blattered with some vengefulness against me. It just doesn't exist anywhere over there. I'm not about to chance being the reason all that comes crashing down.

The other thing about my supporters is I've been hurt by them all before. Remember the petition? Nobody actually picked how important that was to me. Well, that's not altogether true. Lea and Veronica did, but all those others I've known for years reckoned it was a waste of time. I got shitcanned for it and I was royally offended.

Something so simple as signing an internet petition - whether it would or could ever do any good or not wasn't the issue - it was important to me, it was an issue everyone must have known was one of my core issues - given the chester history, but it was something people I thought were friends refused to even sign. Reasons were: I don't sign petitions. It's useless anyway. I don't trust the site. And a host of other reasons which I considered absolutely pathetic and nothing short of bullshit.

Well, the memory of that looms large. I learned a salient lesson from it, namely that most of the people of whom I thought so highly - when push comes to shove on something that may just actually be important - weren't worth the trust I had placed in them.

So now when I find something else about which I can care greatly, it's hardly likely I'd trust anyone to not fuck it up for me - even by accident, or even with the best of intentions. I'm at the very bottom of the pecking order there. I have to win my own spurs and I'm doing nicely. I'm not asking for anyone else to help me or support me or even have anything to do with what I'm doing over there, except for the sake of people like that lying swat, Sharon Hanover, I have someone to watch over what I'm doing so I'm seen to be as clean as I actually am - not even room for innuendo or finger pointing.

In short it's just a case of what goes around comes around. So many wanted nothing to do with something I cared about then, so they don't get a second invitation. No skin off my nose. I've got everything I want over there with none of what I don't want or need.

So why am I blogging this here rather than there?

Two reasons.

This is my first and main blog. It's read by several people I like and whom I think also like me. It's where I put the stuff that's actually on my mind when I happen to be sitting at a computer. What's here is the real deal. This is what I'm thinking so this is where I spill my guts - as it were.

The second reason is this side of my internet activity is on a completely different level. This sort of diatribe just wouldn't be appropriate over there. On some levels it would be, but in the circles in which I'm moving, it just would not. There are links to here from there, but not vice versa. If someone from over there wishes to dig deeper, they can and that's fine by me. I wouldn't have put up links otherwise. But to chance traffic going the other way? Well, not if I can help it.

So there you have it.

That's what is on my mind at 9:50ish on Friday September 16th. For those think I'm halfway decent, don't take my choice as a slight against you or whatever else. Don't think yourselves shortchanged in anyway. I don't go prying into any of your affairs, so don't presume to come prying into mine.

I specifically don't want any friends, supporters, detractors - nothing at all - from MSN bugging me while I'm over there. I don't want comments on what I do over there, I don't want suggestions, I don't want questions about any of it. That's why I haven't put up links to what's going on.

Just think of it as a bastard's prerogative and you've been warned countless times just what an absolute bastard I am. At least now you know I'm not lying.