The girl with OGA factor extending to the outer reaches of the Van Allen Belt touched me several times last week.

I don't know if those fleeting instances of physical contact did anything for her, but I got home and started scrounging through the cupboards for the meds they gave me after my last heart attack.

I also found out why it was so important for her to work in my office, not my co-worker's office. She said it's because I'm so cool.

At lunch, somehow a discussion got going about movie stars.

She said she'd be all over George Clooney like a rash. George is old enough to be her father.

But wait, there's worse.

She practically drooled over the thought of throwing Sean Connery down and screwing him senseless.

He's old enough to be her grandfather.

I'm only twice her age and she considers me cute enough to fight for a spot in my office, not my co-worker's office. And Nick is a good looking bloke in his early 20s.

We didn't do the lunch thing yesterday. For one thing, she with the OGA was moving house, nobody else was available for various reasons and the kid round the corner has gone weird for some reason and is avoiding me. I shouldn't say some reason, I'm pretty sure it's because physical evidence doesn't support the stories he's told me.

First one was saying how he gets breakfast at work provided by the company. Next day when I got a lift in with him - and the day after that - I was nursing his breakfast on my lap. So what happened to breakfast provided by work? He also told me work pays for the petrol in the car, but on the way in on day 3, we stopped off to fill the car - which he paid for with money he'd borrowed from his mum. So what's all that about? I didn't ask, but it seems pretty obvious that story 2 unravelled pretty quickly. Story 3, that the Beemer is in his name, insurance is in his name and rego is in his name is one I wouldn't be able to confirm without the help of friends in various industries. One of whom just happens to be right smack in the industry to find out with just one phone call. She works in the vehicle registration department.

What I have difficulty with is why is he lying to me? I mean, this is me! I've watched this kid grow up from 9 to 19, I helped him with his school work in his final year of high school - I'm as proud of him as if he were my own son. Hell, I love the little guy and he knows full well how fond I am of him, so why would he try to impress me by bignoting himself over his job? That's what I don't get.

And it reached its culmination last Wednesday when I rang up to ask if he was ready to leave for work and he said he was working in head office out east and wouldn't be able to give me a lift in. Then as I made my way from the station to the other side of the river to pick up the work they did over there the night before, I meet his brother walking the other way. If Andy had've caught the train, he would have caught the same train as I did. If the kid round the corner dropped him off, he'd be crossing the bridge from the other side of the river just as if his brother had dropped him off - which obviously he had - proving I could have scored a lift because he wasn't working out east at all - he just didn't want to give me a lift.

It's obvious if I'm to get to the bottom of this, I'm going to have to catch him out personally leaving him no way out but to give me a straight answer. What's the story boy?