Amongst other things, I've let The Pad gather dust.

I've had thoughts about doing this or that with it, but I look at the Dreamweaver icon on my desktop and almost lose the will to live. Almost.

I'm going for the upscalage of the profession, just for those who wanted to know which way the coin came down. I'm switching from the telephone jiggery pokery crap thing to the face to face, I can do more for you from here, it's a bit more of a reality thing option. That's the intention anyway. The 30% pay increase is neither here nor there. And what's more, I like the idea of being able to do more for fewer people than doing nothing worthwhile for a hundred people a day.

I did a worrysome thing yesterday.

I put a message up in one of the msn comms about someone from the other side. I did it because I'm at a loss what to do for this poor kid. The responses were all more positive than I expected, but there was one cloud - and it came in the form of a complimentary remark.

I have to say, you have a very tireless spirit when it comes to young people.

But I don't. That's the problem. I prefer it when they let me come to them, I don't enjoy it very much when they come to me. I must have my space. I'm aware they have their moments when they want their space as well and where I like to believe I have a certain skill it's in picking when and when not to add my two cents worth to what they're doing.

There are exceptions, of course. When I'm on messenger and AIM I'm more than happy to talk to those who've added me to their lists, which is only 4 of them so it's no burden at all.

I'll tell you what did make my day yesterday though...

My unbelievably overwhelmingly favourite song of the moment is Alex Lloyd's "Amazing". (Yes the song behind the Ford ad - you philistines.)

I can listen to it 20 times in a row and love it more each time. Anyway, one of the kids allowed me to email it to him. Just that simple gift I was able to give. It might not seem much to anyone else, but consider this:

What is it about that one bit of music you can't resist every time you hear it? It evokes something in you so intrinsically enjoyable and makes you feel good for hours after you've heard it and it's something you'd just love to share with everyone you care about even remotely - well Chris gave me the honour of allowing me the opportunity to share that with him. That's why such a tiny gesture on his part gets blown out of all proportion on mine.

There are, of course, circumstances which contribute to that factor none of which I'm going to share here, suffice to say if everyone reading this arcs up their Kazaa or WinMX or whatever you all have and downloads the song, chances are it won't make the slightest bit of difference to me one way or the other. It's the fact I asked and was given permission to send it.

In other news, I went to the office in tracky daks and a tatty old windcheater last Thursday and I remarked to the boss who was in shirt and tie that it was "dress down Friday tomorrow." He just looked at me and laughed. As well he should have. He knows full well what I think of ties. They're the biggest sucky wank bit of bullshit ever invented. They serve absolutely no purpose unless you wish to hang yourself in the toilets on your tea break. I'm going to get this promotion tomorrow - I'm sure of that - and after a suitable honeymoon period, I'm going to ditch the tie in favour of something appropriate. Note I said not "more" appropriate because a tie is not in the least little bit appropriate - to anything. It's just a wank.

And finally, thanks to those who offered their thoughts here over the last week or so. I'll just take this opportunity to point out that there really isn't a need to express sympathy for me when I blog about Christopher. Yes I love him, yes I miss him but it was 5 years ago he died and I'm not losing sleep over it any more. I blog it because every now and then, I allow myself to relax a bit and get maudlin about him and it's nice to remember what I was thinking when I was thinking about him. That's all it is, really.

And finally finally - I wrote another edition of The Swamp last night but Topica apparently wouldn't publish the bloody thing. I'll try again tonight and if you all get it 3 times then the problem is at my end of the I.S.H. and your collective end appears to be just fine.

Now it's time to go away and do something productive.

Time to compose this entry: 72 mins.