Friday, December 02, 2005

I did a terrible thing on the train on the way home from work tonight.

Terrible or typical? You be the judge.

Melbourne has a free daily newspaper called MX. In it is a puzzle page which contains a few word game thingies and a crossword - amongst other stuff I tend to ignore.

Anyway, a fat bastard had his backpack on the seat next to him instead of on the floor, thus he was depriving one of those forced to stand of a seat on the train.

Enter the Rat.

Rat spots fat bastard reading the puzzle page. Rat further spots fat bastard having copious quantities of difficulty with the crossword.
Rat is a wordsmith with an enviable vocabulary and usually finishes the crossword in 15 minutes.

Rat also has a copy of MX. Rat stands close to fat bastard, close enough to allow fat bastard to hear Rat's stomach grumble. Rat ostensibly ignores fat bastard.

Rat turns to the puzzle page, pulls his pen from his backpack and reads 3 across: Make eyes at, 4 letters. Except Rat reads aloud, and announces the answer as OGLE, 4 down: Dirt, 5 letters. Hmm, "Grime" says Rat, aloud.

"9 across: Liquid measure, 4 letters. Oh, pint!" says Rat.

Fat bastard gets off train at the next stop and goes to the next carriage down.

Rat and one other person sit.

Rat turns to fellow seated person and says, "Well that was easy!"

God, I love being me.

13 comments:

Cham said...

lololol

Mmm-hmm...stay true to your persona.

Like I said a few minutes ago:

Don't ever change.

Teresa said...

lol!

I'd say typical.
That's definitely you!

And I agree with Cham...

Don't ever change!

Rat said...

Can you imagine the smell of my undies if I never changed?

Cham said...

Heh - oh yeah...that would really make our senses reel.

Don't want to imagine it, nope can't make me, won't do it.

Damn. :I

lol @ the fact that you stayed a gentleman on the train. (I would have taken my pen and filled the puzzle in for him. But I'm a bitch - so I don't care.)

Shame on chunky for not moving his backpack. (Oh, God...I nearly typed 'fatback'.)

*Nod*

Anonymous said...

Captain Picard agrees that you all have sex with dead animals!

Anonymous said...

Everytime Cham types children die of horrible diseases, your typing causes children to be born with horrible deformities.

In fact its what caused Jesus to die. He didn't get crucified HE READ SOMETHING YOU WROTE. Jesus, although all merciful made and exception for you.

And to elaborate on the dead animal sex, you all do it so much you have maggots oozing from every crevice.

Anonymous said...

You are such a horrible person not only on the outside but on the inside.

You are a Dendrophiliac and you love killing Jews. We all know it.

You are a racist bitch, get the fuck out. Oh and don't forget to die.

Rat said...

My goodness!

What have you been up to that seems to have earned such enmity?

I don't know whether to congratulate you suggest emigration. Since it seems I'm included this particular bit of gripage, maybe it's guilt by association?

Perhaps this person would like to be friends. There's a striking similarity to that chap who once said I woke up one day in a cloaca and knew I'd never again be evicted, with whom I now have a very good rapport.

Then again...

Cham said...

I've been lmao about those anonymous gripes since yesterday.

That's sweet that The Rat Messiah has a follower. I hope it's a male.

Anonymous said:
"Everytime Cham types children die of horrible diseases,"

Yet...the anonymous one managed to live and mutate.

"...your typing causes children to be born with horrible deformities."

Oh...is THAT what happened to you, anonymous pitiful dreg of society???

*Sat back and wondered if it's aware that Rat can track and trace...Today - doesn't care. Sarcastic laugh at the usage of 'Anonymous'.*

Rat said...

Remember that strange person who appeared in PA, abused as many as possible then left?

I felt terribly guilty having abused the shit out of that person before it dawned on me he or she was probably less than 15 years old.

Rat Messiah has a follower??

Rat is... mortified. Rat doesn't like followers. Rat prefers it when people behave like equals.

Cham said...

Rat said: "Remember that strange person who appeared in PA, abused as many as possible then left?"

No, I don't. Seriously...there have been several - who have came and went - that have acted strangely and disrespected the members of PA. Besides myself, I don't know who to believe anymore.

If the anonymous one is underage - then I shall take responsibility for what I had posted (this past weekend) and apologise to that person.

Hey, I know it's your blog, Paul...So I'll keep my personal feelings about what that person said - about children - within my own fortress.

*Smile*

Rat said...

The strange one went by the nick 'pop'.

Hey, just because it's my blog, doesn't mean I consider it off limits to anyone who feels like posting messages to it.

Cham said...

Oh, okay...Yeah - I wasn't around those few days when 'pop' came and went.

*Sigh*